Joe

I went to high school in the mid-eighties, when hair-bands ruled the arenas. I had three best friends in high school: Tom Fiermonte, John Quigg, and Joe Saya, and we went to all the rock concerts that blew through town. I remember Joe and I at the Iron Maiden concert in 1984. We were sixteen years old, we loved Maiden, and we especially loved the two girls in front of us! What really set our love for these girls apart from lust was the bullwhips they were wearing as belts around their leather miniskirts. Joe being the instigator, he kept trying to get me to talk to one of them, but I was afraid that they might rip the bullwhips off their waists and whip me to death right there in front of a crowd of thousands. I imagine there is nothing worse than getting your ass kicked by two girls in front of so many people. And because whips would be involved, I knew I would scream like a little schoolgirl with the first strike. So Joe and I never did meet these two goddesses, but we had a good time listening to the music and taking in the whole atmosphere. That wasn’t our first concert together, and it wouldn’t be our last.

Joe committed suicide yesterday. We had lost contact shortly after I enlisted in the military, but we caught up with each other through Facebook in 2008, but we only talked a few times. Busy with life and stuff, I guess. I wish I had kept in touch.

The Runaways - A Review

The Runaways, based on lead-singer Cherie Currie's book, Neon Angel, stars Kristen Stewart as Joan Jett, Dakota Fanning as Cherie Currie, and Michael Shannon as the eccentric Kim Fowley. Clocking in at just under an hour and forty-six minutes, The Runaways depicts the meteoric rise and fall of the Los Angeles all-girl band that changed the face of rock and roll forever.

As a longtime fan of rock music, and having listened to Joan Jett and Lita Ford as solos artists in the ‘80s, I enjoyed watching the formation of the band and the unfolding drug addiction that played a large part in the band splitting up a few short years later. Kristen Stewart, who plays Bella in the Twilight movies, cut her long hair to look like the shaggy hairstyle worn by Jett. There were several times during the movie when you wouldn’t even know it wasn’t Joan Jett on the screen. Both Steward and Fanning did such a good job recording the Runaway songs, when listening to the finished songs, Joan Jett thought that they had made a mistake and that the song they were playing for her was recorded by her.

While I could have done without the opening scene, the film was very enjoyable and a must see for any rock and roll fan.

As Idle as a Painted Ship Upon a Painted Ocean.

Sue decided that the Barber family had been idle for far too long and decided that what we needed was a trip to the ocean. After she loaded the van with Kimmy's wheelchair, crutches, pillows and a milk crate to support her foot (Kimmy had surgery on her knee the week before last, don't cha know?), she helped me into the van and put my camp chair and crutches (I broke the heel and sprained the ankle of his left foot a week before Kimmy's surgery, don't cha know?) in the back with the wheelchair. We stopped for some snacks and pointed our compass towards the ocean.

After driving up and down the boardwalk looking for a place to park, we finally found a spot near the amphitheater and made our way down the handicap ramp and onto the boardwalk. Sue pushed Kimmy in the wheelchair while I hobbled behind them on my crutches, Nicky weaving in and out of our pathetic little procession. After Kimmy and I were parked as close to the sand as possible, Sue and Nicky removed their shoes and socks and headed down to the beach. They walked up and down the beach for what seemed like hours as Kimmy and I sat in the sun getting pelted with sand from the howling winds. Despite her wearing a thick sweatshirt, Kimmy decided she was cold and would move closer to the amphitheater. She found a nice spot in the shade.

Sue and Nicky must have walked at least a mile from the amphitheater to collect sea shells and make sand angels. When they returned to the spot where they had abandoned Rick and Kimmy, Nicky learned that his socks had blown away. He searched for a few moments, found one, and while looking for its mate, accidentally dropped the one he had in a pile of horse manure. Did we mention that there were horses on the beach? We packed up and proceeded back up the handicap ramp, Sue pushing Kimmy in the wheelchair, me hobbling behind them on my crutches, and Nicky once again weaving in and out of our pathetic little procession.

I forgot to mention that Nicky had also found a bird vertebrae at the ocean. During the hour-long ride home, he teased Kimmy unmercifully with the vertebrae and refused to speak in anything but pig Latin the entire way home.

Water Breaks the Bow

We scramble up the ladder - topside,
A chorus of hollow steel and labored breath.
White-knuckled fingers steady us on the crest of a swell.

Straining - we force the hatch,
our cheeks stung with icy rain.
Spilling onto the deck, we grasp blindly for a hold,
Flailing about in the salty spray of green water.

The pungent smell of Boston mackerel and squid,
Our bait boxes toppled,
their precious contents discarded on the deck.
Ropes, blocks and assortments of tackle surge past,
Set free by the bitter gale force winds of October.

And broken is he who finds the bitter ends,
Thrashing about on the winds of a raging squall.
Beyond the gunwales,
The ocean rises...
The wind lashes...
Hope fades.

A Sense of Home

Stepping out to greet the chill of a fall morning, I find comfort in the rhythmic spattering of rain that echoes of hollow tin from overhead. A pack of nimble-footed squirrels scatter as our yellow lab charges from the warm confines of our house. Eager to render swift justice in defense of the hapless sparrows, nuthatches and black-capped chickadees that look on from the branches above, she bounds from the porch towards the erratically swinging bird feeder abandoned only moments before.

I smile and let the screen door close behind me. The familiar creaking of the spring takes me back to my childhood and the summers spent at my grandmother’s cottage by the lake. The subtle hint of a nearby wood-burning stove drifts through the sugar maples that now stand bare; their gold and crimson leaves lie scattered and spent on the scarred ground below. With the heady aroma of chocolate and peppermint tantalizing my nose, I raise the heavy stoneware mug and blow with pursed lips, sending tiny ripples dancing across the steaming surface. Smaller sips will do for now.

A playful bark breaks the morning stillness. With her nose to the ground and her tail in the air, she picks up a scent and darts across the stone path leading to the weathered clapboard shed behind our house, stopping briefly before continuing on. The gnarled remains of a tomato plant hangs from its northern face, flanked by a stoic yard gnome and a rusting washtub that serves as our son’s butterfly garden; a collection of Redbud, Aster and Goldenrod that provided nectar for Mourning Cloaks, Swallowtails and Painted Ladies during the summer months.

I call the dog as I open the door. She appears from behind the shed and closes the distance between us with surprising speed, not bothering to slow down as she bounds up the stairs and into the house. Stepping inside, I am greeted by a medley of buttered toast, fresh strawberries and maple bacon. On the range, a copper kettle sings a serenade of cinnamon and spice. From down the hall, I hear the sounds of my wife waking our children, followed by their playful screams and laughter as the dog jumps from bed to bed, showing her how it is done.

Ukelele University Launches Website

Superior ukelele instruction just became easier to find with the launching last month of Ukelele University, a new online academic website that provides oodles of ukulele instruction with such world-renowned ukulele players as Yekel Szeraszuk, Nicholas Von Ausfernschplenden, and Robert Bumgardner.

Aspiring ukulele players can now point their browsers to www.ukeleleu.edu and take advantage of the several academic programs offered online, with course selections including, but not limited to Fundamentals of Music Theory, Ukelele Workshop, Ukelele Ensemble, Jazz/ Ukelele Combo, Ukelele Theory I, Ukelele Theory II, Ukelele Theory III, Ukelele Theory IV, Ukelele Theory V, History and Literature of Ukelele Music, Survey of Ukelele Music in America, Functional Ukelele I, Functional Ukelele II, Ukelele Music of the Renaissance, Ukelele Music of the Baroque, Ukelele Music of the Classical Period, Ukelele Music of the Romantic Period, Conducting, Ukelele Counterpoint, Ukelele Composition, and Advanced Ukelele Composition.

Visit www.ukeleleu.edu and see what they can do for your ukulele dreams. That URL is www.ukeleleu.edu. Once again, www.ukeleleu.edu is where you want to go for the best ukulele instruction on the internet. Only at www.ukeleleu.edu will you find superior web-based ukulele instruction. Operators are standing by.

Press Contacts:

Derrek Ferbelitz
Academic Czar, Ukelele University
richardvonausfernschplenden@ukeleleu.edu
1.603.555.UKEU (8538) Ext. 7598342114

Arnold Wiśniowiecki
Director of Student Relations, Ukelele University
arnoldwiśniowiecki@ukeleleu.edu
1.603.555.UKEU (8538) Ext. 7598342115

Potential Ukelele University Spokesperson

Some goodly news for all our investors and ukulele enthusiasts out there! Red Sox first baseman Kevin Youkilis contacted yours truly recently offering to be our inaugural spokesperson for Ukelele University! How cool is that? For those of you who aren’t familiar with the Red Sox or Kevin Youkilis, whenever he approaches the plate or makes a great play, the crowd lets loose with a long, drawn out “Uuuuuuke” that sounds like he is being booed to those are not use to hearing this.

Unfortunately, the crowd chanting “Uuuuuuke” doesn’t make him the most qualified spokesman for our ukulele school. So I sent him a Mitchell ukulele to learn some songs and offered to let him come and audition when he is comfortable. I also offered a discount on ukulele courses here at the U, so hopefully he will be on board in a few months. Let’s keep our fingers cross. I’ll keep everyone updated.


(Ukelele University is a fictional school created for a Media Writing class and in no way was Kevin Youkilis contacted, nor did he respond, as depicted in this blog.)